Monday, December 17, 2007

A Spiritual Diet of Christmas Cookies and Candy

OK. So a lot of people believe that Christmas is all about Christ and would fight a war to keep him in it. Here is what I never got and was deeply disturbed by this Sunday. I went to Church this week. I hadnt gone for a few months on Sunday AM.

Here is what I saw

1) Shortened worship. On the dull side
2) A generic invitation to accept Christ that would mean nothing to someone who doesnt already know him.
3) 40 minutes of the worst kids performance EVER. These kids sounded awful. Sure it was cute I guess if it was your kid. Maybe 10 minutes of it I could see but 40 minutes of the Barney on Crack Christmas album sung by little rugrats. They had one little number where a kid of about 5 was dressed as a marine and bowed down to a baby doll. I guess that was supposed to be Jesus. Hell if I dont get it, how can it be evangelism. I am experienced in the Churchianity subculture.

4) 10 minutes of dull Christianity lite preaching and wishing everyone a merry Christmas

If this is supposed to be a time of profound truth and supernatural events, why do those who are supposed to be feeding people spiritually feed them spiritual junk food.

I am NOT GOING BACK UNTIL AFTER THE FIRST OF THE YEAR. I would like to not go back at all but I have to.

So people whine about putting Christ back in Christmas (which he was never in to begin with) and all this other crap.

The Christ I see in Churches (many of them) at this time of year is more like Santa Claus than the Jesus I read about in the Bible

Saturday, December 15, 2007


I want to say thanks to all who prayed. My mom is still in the hospital but they expect her to make a full recovery.

Everyone have a great Christmas

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Helpless Feeling

Today I got a call at work. Not a call anyone ever wants to get. My mom had to be rushed to the hospital. All they would tell me was chest pains. She apparently had trouble breathing.

I left work and established new land speed records in my little Ford Ranger and got to the hospital. For an hour they wouldnt even tell me if she was there. finally they ease my panic and say she has pneumonia. This is a relief. I assume all will be well with some antibiotics.

Later they start ordering test and answer questions about as completely as the Bush Administration. I happened to read a piece of paper with the words "possible PTE". What the fsck is that and why wont anyone tell me whats going on. I calmly leave and said goodnight to my mom who was highly sedated and doing better.

I look up PTE and find out its a blood clot in the lung and is fatal between 8 and 30% of the time. Tomorrow my mom who has been thru hell today will find out what a PTE is. She may well not have a PTE but I am panicked, scared, depressed and worried.

My faith is not holding up well but I have been praying my heart out.

I am frustrated by the nincompoops at the hospital who wont say anything. They should at least tell us wtf is going on.

I hope and pray its nothing. Anyone who prays, I would appreciate any extra prayers you have around.

The other disturbing factor is her symptoms arent new and her primary doctor says, its nothing.

I am mad at the health care system. Honestly I feel like a scared little child whose parents are keeping a dark secret from them.

Anyway, blogs are for venting. I will post what happens.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007


Hillary Clinton and John Edwards are proposing a health care plan that will MANDATE that everyone have health insurance. This is not what we need. Supposedly this is going to be similar to the compulsory insurance law for auto insurance. However one does not have to drive. You cannot help but be alive and if you are alive you are MANDATED. What this will do is line the pockets of the HMOs at yours and my expense.  I cannot endorse or vote for any candidate that proposes this.

The Green Party has spoken out against it as well.

I have the freedom to not pad the pockets of the HMOs. Here is what I am going to do.

1) I am going to do what I can to expose these liars in the blogosphere
2) I am going to re-register as a Democrat (Oregon has a closed primary) and put my support behind Barack Obama. The only candidate who stands a chance of getting the nomination that doesnt support this crap. Yes, I know his health care plan is inadequate but its not MANDATORY. I wish we could get Kucinich.
3) I am going to re-register as a Green when all is said and done.
4) If Hillary or Edwards gets the nomination, I will most likely hold my nose and vote for the republican. Though their ideas of how to fix health care suck, they dont force me to support evil. I may just sit out the election.

So now you know why I cannot stand Hillary. Its not her Gender.  Its not even her waffling on issues and saying whatever it takes to get elected. Its this evil abysmal health insurance plan.

What this country needs is socialized medicine. How bad does it have to get before people wake up and see this. Kucinich seems to be the only candidate with good ideas and he cannot get the nomination because people say he cannot. Obama is the lesser evil who stands a chance.

Go ahead and fire away. I hope to get lots of comments on this one.

Time to buy a Buick and get me some depends

Ok. Right off I am sure I offended someone here but my poor joke was simply a way of saying I feel that I am growing older. Which I am. However at 35, I am not ready to start acting like an old person.  When I was in my early 20s, I wanted to get older cause older people could do what they wanted. Once I hit 26, I wanted to stop. Now I dont care.

Everyone who can, get out and enjoy life.  Though I struggle with depression as some know, thats not going to stop me.

Each year, I find myself acting more like an adult and I want to stop. Whats next, is Sears going to have everything I want. Am I going to eat at the Buffet every Sunday, suck on Werthers candy, drive my Buick and talk about how all my friends have died and spend my days deciding what nursing home and/or cemetary I plan to move to. Its really sad. If you have been around old people, you may know what I am talking about. Some are really nice. Others are very sad and depressing to be around. When I lived on the Coast, I thought I was aging at the rate of 5 years per year being around all of them.

Nope, I plan to be the old dude who acts 30 when I am 80.

I noticed a trend. Old people who try to stay young are healthy. Once they start acting old and talking about death and stuff, they die soon or have health problems.

I think its quite possible that cancer and heart disease dont kill. Its knowing you have them that kills you. Probalby not.
Btw, I do not own a Buick, but I do have to drive one at times. My mom owns one. I feel so weird when I drive it.

I dont hate old people. Everyone loves their grandparents (if you are lucky enough to have living grandparents). I wish I could have done more to keep my grandparents young. Then they might still be around.

Anybody else feel the need to beat getting old before it happens?

Saturday, December 08, 2007

What to say

I am not sure what to say right now. I feel as though I am coming out of hibernation. I guess thats logical as a bear. LOL.

Havent done much lately. Weathered out the Oregon storm with no damage here.

I guess all thats on my mind is the future and how to go into it. I think 2007 has been a rough year in a lot of ways. Right now, I am looking at the possibilities for 08. What will it bring. What good can I do for the world. How can I avoid the toxic soup that is the media. How to get the facts without becoming inundated and jaded.

What deep thoughts. I should be on drugs to think like this. But I am not.

Right now I am reminded of years past and the fact I am not getting younger. Though there is time to enjoy life. I want so bad to have the joy I once did. Even if it much of what I knew wasnt real. I almost want it back. In many ways its easier to live in a world where people have common ground with you. The isolation sets in.

I want what I want. I will let you know when I figure out what the hell it is.

Have a merry Chrismas, happy Hannukah, KWanzaa, Ramadan, Solstice, Capitilism day or whatever you want.

To quote a friend of mine "I am lost in the corriders of my mind. I am locked up in my thoughts". He was stoned when he said that but it makes sense to me. I need to quit looking inward and start looking at whats out there.

Monday, November 26, 2007


I apologize if I offended anyone who does allow anonymous comments. There is a place for them. sometimes for entertainment value. Sometimes for free speech. I guess what bugs me the most is that because I am computer literate, those who arent seem to think its my civic duty to help them with all their ridiculuous computer problems free of charge. Sorry I cant do that. I would be happy to help friends but do you ask a mechanic on the street how to drive you f*ing car? Most of the time they f*ed up their own damn computer so why the hell should I help them. Sure I like to help FRIENDS but not morons in blogdom who think I owe it to them. Especially when they challenge me.


I just deleted most of my other blogs. I wasnt monitoring them and some anonymous dickhead decided to say I was unChristian because I didnt respond to what looked like comment spam to me.

Back then I didnt have the sense not to allow anonymous comments.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Church of Stop Shopping

I been hearing about Reverend Billy and his Church of Stop Shopping. He has a movie called What would Jesus Buy. Some find him blasphemous. I havent seen the movie but I find the idea intriguing. If we can, we may go up to Portland to see this movie sometime this weekend. Thats as close as it gets to here. at least for now. If you want to know more, its


Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

I am thankful for:

My relationship with God
My wife
My family (parents etc)
My dog

The fact we have a place to live.

That I dont have to work today

That I have a job to not have to go to today.

That I am reasonably safe

That compared to most of the world, I am filthy rich

May you have a safe and happy day

Friday, November 16, 2007


Ok since I am a Christian I should be all happy joy joy about Christmas right. Nope. Here is the deal. Here is what I have a problem with. Dec 25 is generally a nice quiet day but...

People seem to see the need to become small talking social animals this time of year. For Gods sake. its cold, rainy (or snowy depending on where you are) and dark all the time. This is the time of year that people should hibernate not socialize. I am an introvert. That doesnt mean I am super shy. I relate well to people I like in small groups. I can even speak in front of crowds but I cant stand being superficially nice at parties with people I really cannot stand. Work parties are the worst. I get along with co workers but for the most part, I dont want to know them well. I have made friends at every job I have been at. But not with the whole group.

My other big problem is Christmas music. It sucks. Makes me naucious. Triggers me into some hideous childhood memory. I can be in a great mood and if I hear Jingle Bell F'ing rock, its depression city for hours.

The whole Christian aspect. I have read the Bible many times and if you can show me where Jesus said "Celebrate my birthday and give gifts to one another". If you can show me that, I will dress up like santa claus and spray whipped cream and hawaiian punch on my head and go to work that way. What the hell does the fat man have to do with Christ? Just call it Walmart appreciation day or bow down to the gods of retail profit margins. WTF???

People talk about putting Christ back in Christmas. I say take him out. Christmas is an abomination (man I love using that word) to what Jesus taught. Its a holiday glorifying and worshipping the love of money. I dont even think Jesus was born in December. Christmas was a pagan holiday long before Christ came to earth. You cant put Christ back in. He was never in it to begin with.

Christmas cheer and happiness is mostly superficial BS.

Sure I will celebrate in some way. My wife and I and probably my mom will enjoy a nice quiet day.

Its getting to the point I cannot listen to any commercial radio or watch any commercial TV because the bastardized jingles increase the risk of of a cleanup on aisle 5.

So have a happy 4th quarter profit day. May the execs in your company get fatter at your expense. May the almighty dollar be exalted. May the Chinese sweat shop elves make more toys for your brats. May you trample many in your quest for a PS3 or whatever the hell you want.

"God money Ill do anything for you"

"Bow down before the one you serve. Your going to get what you deserve"

Now was that a rant or what. If you dont see my sarcasm then you may be offended. Otherwise it should be a good laugh.


If you are a Christian, find some other day and spend time with Christ.

In all seriousness. I am not Ebenezer Scrooge. I believe in doing good things. You know Peace on Earth good will to men (and women) . Oh wait. Jesus said that. Man that dude said a lot of cool stuff. And to think. I thought Walmart invented all those sayings.

ENJOY. I will shut up now


You may have heard of Ubuntu as a Linux distribution. In fact Ubuntu is the operating system I am running right now as I type. I love Linux. Yes its weird and less compatible but its the ONLY OS that is free and supports creativity not corporate greed. There is no bottom line. Ubuntu is not a company. Linux is not a company. Linus Torvalds doesnt make a red cent off this free OS. which I must say has proven to be more stable than Windows has been, Especially Vista. I wont debate the Mac people. after all Mac OS is Darwin Linux under the hood. Lets not go there.

Anyway, Ubuntu is more than an OS. The OS is named after the African Philosophy. Basically it is a philosophy of community and doing good to one another. Many people say Jesus had Ubuntu (of course he ran the Christian Edition. LOL> Only real geeks will get that reference). Anyway. Here is what I found about the Ubuntu philosphy as described by Nelson Mandela and Desmond Tutu.

Here is what Nelson had to say:

A traveller through our country would stop at a village, and he didn't have to ask for food or for water. Once he stops, the people give him food, entertain him. That is one aspect of Ubuntu but Ubuntu has various aspects. Ubuntu does not mean that people should not enrich themselves. The question therefore is: Are you going to do so in order to enable the community around you to improve?

Here is what Desmond said:

A person with ubuntu is open and available to others, affirming of others, does not feel threatened that others are able and good, for he or she has a proper self-assurance that comes from knowing that he or she belongs in a greater whole and is diminished when others are humiliated or diminished, when others are tortured or oppressed.

I think the OS is in the spirit of Ubuntu but I believe if the world practiced Ubuntu it would be a better place. I plan to research this more. I find it intriguing. It kind of does go along with the words of Jesus "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". You may have heard that even if you arent a Churchgoer. its known as the Golden Rule. Some people would say it as what goes around comes around.

Anyway just my weird thoughts of the day. Be blessed.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Metolius Pics

The Metolius just down from its source. A beautiful tranquil spot, Mt Jefferson in the distance. An active volcano. Though it hasnt erupted lately (like 100s of years)

The head of the Metolius. Literally I turned around from the other pic. It just starts as a river from this spring

The Metolius River about a mile downstream from the head. This is near Camp Sherman, Oregon

Now a quick political plug. The area around this river is privately owned. Vote YES on Measure 49 to make sure it stays the way it is. That is if you are an Oregon registered voter

I got away

I got what I needed yesterday. A few hours away from this place. We went over the mountains to the head of the Metolius River and Camp Sherman. A few weeks ago I heard about this place while listening to NPR. It sounded like a little piece of heaven. That wasnt far off. A beautiful stream in a pine forest that comes out of a mountain as a river. In the distance a snow capped peak. so quiet that when the dog barked it echoed thru the air.

I did take pics. I just need to get them off the camera. I will post them.

If you get a chance, I highly recommend goign there. You can hear yourself think. Though dont tell too many people. I dont want it to become touristy.

I am much more at peace now.

Now the big question, what do I want to be when I grow up? hmmmm

Friday, November 02, 2007

Election Rambling

So all I hear about on progressive radio and NPR is election election election. Keep in mind the election is a year away.

Anyway a few things. I am tired of voting for Tweedledum or Tweedledee. The lesser of two evils. Vote for this one cause that ones worse.

I listened to James Dobson today (quite by accident). I cannot stand him but I admire the fact that he is so firm in what he believes that he is actually encouraging the religious right to vote for a third party if Rotten Rudy or any other pro-choice candidate gets the nomination for the GOP. I dont agree with him on much but this guy has the balls to say the lesser of two evils is not good enough.

Also Dobson may fracture the GOP which would cause a democrat to win and I like that. Well maybe

Personally I think many progressives are ready to nominate Hillary just because they feel she can win the election against Rotten Rudy or Mitt the Mormon. I think Hillary says some good things but her plan for health care is abysmal. She is a corporatist republocrat. We deserve better. So I urge you:

Register democrat if you live in a closed primary state like Oregon. Vote for who you think would be the best president, not who you think can win. I am voting for Kucinich.

I am a registered Green but I am going to re register as a dem so I can vote for Kucinich in the primary. Then I will register Green again.

This lesser of two evils mentality is ruining our country. If Hillary wins then we will have two families having controlled the white house for over 20 years. How is that a reflection of the American people.

Way to go Dobson. You have fractured the GOP. Now maybe someone other than Hillary can win so now progressives, do something. Dont put up with th lesser of two evils. The lesser of two evils is still evil.

Now as far as Obama. I think he would be better than Hillary just for the sheer fact that he is not a Clinton or a Bush. I dont trust him either. He seems to be mroe of a corporatist than a real person.

Thursday, November 01, 2007


I have come to the conclusion that part of my depression is that I am expecting too much. I became depressed because I cannot find the Perfect Church like I posted about earlier. I became depressed because the democrats are more like "republocrats" and are corporate fakes too. I became depressed because I want to change the world and feel like as one person said like I am hurling toothpicks at a monster. I became depressed because my new job though much better than my last is still at a for-profit corporation and the bottom line is all that matters. They will do the same evil things other corps do.

I cannot look at things like this anymore. I will get severely depressed. Perhaps the problem is I expect perfection or better yet demand it. Maybe I should look at the good things and try to do my part to change what I can. I dont want to say I cant do anything so I will just be ignorant and content. There has to be some middle ground.

I hope though it may not happen to go to the Metolius river in Central Oregon and try to get some peace and perspective.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Whats Up

Hey just wanted to let everyone know I am still alive. A few weeks back we took a trip to Southern oregon. It was cool. We drank Lithia water in Ashland. Spent time in a Hot Spring and went to the Oregon Vortex.

Since coming back for some reason, life has been a struggle. I got very sick. Had a hard time at work and am struggling with depression. Those who pray, I could use some prayers.

I am trying to figure out what direction things are going to take. What I want to do when I grow up. I got bored with outrage to some extent. Now its a time of soul searching and general discontent. Yes life is good really and I should be happy but something is missing.

Well I will post more. I havent stopped blogging forever. Just havent had a lot of motivation or energy.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007


In this world of Christian crap and Jesus junk, I think I am going to go to the dollar store and buy some toothbrushes made by hard working Chinese people and paint crosses on them. Then call them Truthbrushes and sell them on a web site. I could sell some Jesus bobbleheads and He-Brews beer

Of course I am not serious but I bet someone could do just that and people would buy it

One More Post - Corvallis Open Forum

I overslept Saturday and didnt make it. This weekend we are going to be out of town. After that I am going back.

I dont know shit

This post may make no sense but it may. When I was 23, I thought I knew everything. My mothers boyfriend (in his late forties) told me I didnt but he thought he did. He said I was young dumb and full of c*m. Well I know now that at 23, I didnt know shit but here is the dilemma. If people in their late forties know everything and teenagers know everything than I can say with confidence that at 35, I dont know shit. I will be glad when I hit 45 and regain all the knowledge I had at 18.

Of course this post is full of sarcasm. I guess the point is a lot of older people think they know a lot from experience. Younger people are too inexperienced to know they dont know.

I am old enough to know I dont know but not old enough to have the experience.

Welcome to the void of the mid thirties

Predatory Capitalism

This is the word I was looking for. Predatory Capitalism. This is the practice of squashing the little guy to line your pockets.

Here is a thought, publicly traded corporations have a legal responsibility to their shareholders to maximize profits at any cost. Doesnt the nature of this beast create predatory capitalism by nature. Dont they have to lie, cheat, squish, outsource, steal, destroy, live and die for the bottom line?

Is this not pure evil?

As far as non predatory capitalism (the little guy with the good idea) thats a different beast

I watched the high cost of low price last night. Robert Greenwald is no Michael moore. It was boring but made a point.

Thank God I dont work for a publicly traded company.

I believe there needs to be regulation to stop these beasts from ruining, raping, and pillaging the world.

Also another topic, Health Care. Its a right and cannot be humanely managed by a soul-less for profit corporation.

I am to the point that Dennis Kucinich is the only presidential candidate I can stand> He has no chance of winning but I am going to vote for him anyway

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Words I cannot stand

This is a simple post but its on my mind. Here are some word I loathe. Anybody wanna add some

Badonkadonk (or however the hell you spell it)
Sowing seeds (in a religious sense)
Crib (for a home)
Ride (for a car)
Pimp (for anything other than a prostitute's manager)
Any sports originated term in a non sports sense (or sports sense for that matter)
Right-size (company)
800 pound gorilla (or 900 if hes really big)
Turnkey (sounds like turkey to me)
Deal (with regard to sales of any kind especially cars)
Any misused computer anatomy term (hard drive for computer, etc)
plugged-in (in a religious sense)
download (in a religious sense)

I guess I hate any term that gets stolen from another thing

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Things we can do?

Some suggestions of things we can do. Some of these are not my own but came from the briliant minds of Corvallis Open Forum. Some are original. I am NOT claiming that I will be doing all of them. I may not be able to.

1) Boycott Christmas - Dont pad the pockets of evil corporations buy not buying ANY Christmas presents this year

2) Buy NOTHING the day after Thanksgiving. Dont buy anything at all that day. Pretend the stores are gone

3) dont go to work on Election day. dont buy crap. Just dont do anything. Stick it to the man.

4) Here is a modification of 1. If you must Christmas shop, buy only from small local businesses

5) TOTALLY BOYCOTT all multinational and/or publicly traded corporations for the entire holiday season. This is hard. I am considering it.

6) Dont buy new high dollar items. Cars and computers are the worst investment anyone can make. Car companies are highly corrupt. Computer companies (with some exceptions arent much better). Buy used cars from INDIvIDUALS (no need to line the pockets of dealers). Buy (or aquire from previous owners) used computers. Run free software. Dont add to Bill Gates bottom line.

7) Most importantly. GIVE A DAMN. Dont say one person cant make a difference. If a lot of one persons give a damn, it will make a difference

Thursday, September 13, 2007


I watched part of Sicko (the new Michael Moore movie) last night. I had to shut it off because I got so pissed off at the insurance companies.

Shouldnt I be more content to accept capitalism now that I am older and could benefit from it. Why do I become more and more outraged.

another thing is tonight I went to a dinner for the home care workers union (my wife is a home care worker for my mom of all people). They were all excited about how great their insurance is from Kaiser Permanente. Then the guy goes on to say he believes in affordable healthcare for all and that we need to elect people who will provide it. In another sentence he said Kaiser is good because they are pro union. Well they are still greedy pigs who let people die to increase their bottom line.

I think I need to get drunk and watch the rest of Sicko. I want to see him go to Cuba but I just couldnt deal with it anymore. I needed rest and sleep.

anyway my mindless rambling for tonight.

Hmmm. Thats waht blogs r for

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

More about cannibal pup. Its a dog eat dog world

OK. I may have jumped the gun with that last post. I was pissed and I made an assumption that cannibal dog food must be true and must be fueled by corporate greed. Further research I have found the following:

1) The FDA has investigated this. Others have too. There is compelling evidence that euthanized animals have at some point ended up in dog food.

2) The wild stories about trucks carrying dead dogs to the rendering plants and vets asking do you want your dog rendered seem far fetched and may be urban legends. Though sources like Snopes dont seem to touch the issue

3) What has been proven repeatedly is that there is a presence of phenabarbitol (the main drug used to put down animals) in a percentage of the dog and cat food supply. How it got there, nobody knows. Many speculate.

Here are my thoughts. The conspiracy theory side of me wants to buy this as truth. The practical side wants to say another urban legend. I think I will switch my dog to foods from companies that allow me to know whats really in it.

Is there dead dog and cat in dog and cat food? I dont know.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

My Doggy is a Cannibal?

My mom was very distraught when I got home tonight and said she read that 12% of many dog and cat foods are made from the bodies of euthanized dogs and cats. In addition roadkill is often used. Now hoping this was some awful urban legend I hit the net. Looked at snopes. Found nothing. Did find many web sites that seem to confirm that this is true. I nearly puked when I read this (shouldnt have done this while eating dinner).

I am fed up. Freaking corporate capitalist pigs. They poison us with crap from china. They feed my dog dead dog and cat meat. all anyone seems to give a fsck about is the bottom line. I am sick of it. I want to go out and live in the woods and eat plants. FSCK the bottom line. FSCK capitalism.

I hope the rich corporate assholes get to eat Soylent Green for dinner when they lose all their money.


We visited a Church this week. Its the Mennonite Church that I have told some of you about. Here is what I noticed

I almost couldnt keep a straight face with the amount of Christianese being spoken. It was amusing to me. I know its irreverant but I nearly laughed my ass off.

The emphasis on money and borderline name it and claim it theology almost made me hurl chunks.

After the worship the emotions were charged and maybe I felt the Spirit. Not sure. I went up front. Wanting more than anything to feel God. Wanting more than anything to have the feelings that I had. I got down on the altar in front and begged God for it but didnt feel the fullness I was used to. I am not saying I didnt feel a peace, but it was in the midst of turmoil. I thought something was terribly wrong with me. I should be in the spirit but it was weak. I am not saying I didnt feel anything but the intensity was not there. Now good Christians would tell me that I am not right with God. Even my wife seemed to get more out of it.

I had my spiritual experience and felt near to God later in the day on the beach in Pac City. There I felt peace.

You could say I got inspired. How about a Church that instead of preaching has an open forum like the Corvallis open forum.l Maybe sing a song or two and EVERYONE gets to speak their mind and the whole Church HAS TO LISTEN and CANNOT JUDGE THEM. HMMM. I wonder if it coudl work. Anyway Ibetter get going. My wife will probably read this and think I am "falling away from God" because I dare to admit that I didnt feel that much in Church. I know I am not though. God seems right there to me now.

Pacific City

Sunday we went to Pacific City to a party at my wifes college. (her college isnt there but the party was. Here are a couple of pics of the area and one of me.

Corvallis Open Forum

I briefly touched on it but I wanted to say that Corvallis Open Forum had a profound affect on my wife and I. We went with the intention of taking it all in and not speaking, but she decided to go and I felt I had something to add. I think going to this could be very beneficial to us and hopefully we can add something of worth to it.

For those outside the area, Corvallis Open Forum is a group of people who meet in a park near the Farmers Market and share ideas. Each person can talk for 4 minutes. They treat all with respect and you can say what you want.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Better Day

Today is a better day. All the sh*t from Friday blew over. Three experiences took place this weekend that were interesting and I promise to blog about all three later.

1) Corvallis open forum. It was a lot of fun. It was nice to meet Crallspace and Tim Nam in person and to hear others opinions. The really cool thing was I felt like I could speak and not be judged at all by these people. Really cool. I will talk more later

2) Church. I went to Church Sunday and had very mixed emotions but got inspired with a crazy idea that I must blog about later

3) Trip to Pacific City. I had forgotten now that I dont live on the Coast just how renewing the ocean is to the soul. Though we went for a college beach party, I walked away and truly found peace and connection to God. Better than Church. I will post pictures later.

anyway that was my weekend in a nutshell. Too many thoughts to go into detail at work.

Friday, September 07, 2007

Roller Coaster. Positivity on hold until next week

I meant to be positive. I really did then I make a slight mess up and I know I made my boss mad today. I wont get fired but it was a small thing with a big consequence. Right now I feel like cutting and running. Maybe if I could go elsewhere I could live it down. Maybe in a week or so they will forget. all I know is at most jobs I am liked but cannot ever live down my weaknesses even if I go the opposite extreme and be the best whatever I can.

I dont know. Feeling tired and burnt out tonight. Not as bad as before. Just feel like its all the same.

Anyway, nobody get depressed. its all OK. Just needed to vent out and whine a bit. thats what blogs are for

More Enneagram

This thing is cool. I ordered and got the books to go with it and took the 144 question test. My results were different. I tested out as a type 4 with 6 and 9 close behind. Now I need to read the rest of the books and see the rest of the Enneagram and what it means.

So if any of you took that test I linked to on previous post, I am not sure how accurate it was.

I will find myself soon

Tuesday, September 04, 2007


I took a personality test called the Enneagram that was highly recommended to me. I thought I would post my results and see if anyone else has any insight to what this means. Its about what I thought. Like a blackbear (or spiritbear) I am reclusive

Image Icon results:
Main Type
Overall Self
Take Free Enneagram Personality Test
Scale (|||||||%) results:
Enneagram Test Results
Type 1 Perfectionism |||||| 26%
Type 2 Helpfulness |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Type 3 Image Focus |||||||||||||||||| 78%
Type 4 Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||| 70%
Type 5 Detachment |||||||||||||||||| 74%
Type 6 Anxiety |||||||||||||||||| 78%
Type 7 Adventurousness |||||||||||||| 54%
Type 8 Aggressiveness |||| 14%
Type 9 Calmness |||||||||||||||| 66%
Your main type is 2
Your variant is self pres
Take Free Enneagram Personality Test


My wife (aka whitewolf28) and I tried doing a podcast for a while and my former employer was nice enough to kill the site. I dont know if anyone ever listened to it. I am pondering starting up a podcast again and maybe getting guests to call in. Something like SCP only not. I guess I wonder and am interested in feedback. If I start a podcast, would anyone listen to it?

I would keep the episodes to 20 minutes or less for time sake.

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Greetings from Seattle

Hey I havent posted for a while. Been busy with work, helping my mom out and just generally tired and fried.

I came up here for the weekend to visit my dad.

I have been in Oregon too long. I feel like I am in a huge city. Its overwhelming but cool at the same time.

Today was cool. I met up with Ninjanun and the Pete at Starbucks. We talked for hours though it didnt seem like a long time. It was really cool to talk to some people who see the Church (and political) thing much the way I do. They seem like great people. Very real. I was starting to feel alone in the world of unchurchy Christianity but now I feel better.

A lot of my posts have been negative. I think I will go back and try to see the good in life. I have a good job. Oregon is a reasonably good place to live (though Albany still sucks and always will). Life is generally good though.

Regardless. This is probably quite boring to read but I see a new hope regarding things. Suddenly, I want to do something about all the fscked up things I see instead of whine about it. I DEFINITELY NEEDED A VACATION and this is closest thing I have had in nearly a year.

I will post more often too. Even if there isnt anything exciting.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Can I get another AMEN!!!!

A Dictionary to Understanding Pop Evangelicals
Saw this on some blog somewhere and thought it was good. To all who are or have ever been a member of Churchianity


Share—Christians do not tell. They share. They do not criticize, give, testify, talk, or harangue. They share.

Share Together—As contrasted with sharing by yourself.

Partake—What sharees do when sharers are sharing something.

One-on-One relationship—As opposed to two-on-two relationships, three-on-three relationships, etc. (And who said basketball never contributed anything substantial to Christianity?)

Give Us Your Testimony—And be sure to leave in all the rotten, sordid details.

Share What’s on Your Heart—Unless, of course, it’s heartburn.

Heartwarming—One degree below hemtburn.

Grieved in My Heart—You tick me off.

Losing the Victory—As compared to winning the defeat.

Praise the Lord—A person’s true spirituality can be quickly ascertained by counting the number of times per day he or she uses this phrase. 400 + = Saint; 300–400 = Graduate of the School of Praise; 200–300 = Vibrant Christian; 50–200 = Lukewarm; Under 50 = Backslider.

Vibrant Christian—See Praise the Lord.

That’s Beautiful—May be substituted for Praise the Lord, provided the sharer is grinning in a mellow, nonjudgmental way at the sharee. Scores same as Praise the Lord.

When I Was in the World—O’boy. Now we get to the good part of the testimony

Love of the Lord—What you love someone with when the pastor tells you to turn to the stranger on your left and tell them, “I love you.”


Heart and Life—The average pastor will use this term often during the average Sermon.

The World in Which We Live—As contrasted with the world in which television’s alien Mork lives.

The Lord Said to Me—I had a feeling. (Also a good phrase to beef up a poorly prepared sermon. If they won’t listen to you, maybe they’ll listen to God.)

Today’s World—Those of you living in tomorrow’s world may be excused.

Lift Up in Prayer to the Throne of Grace—You eight guys here in the front lift George up, and you four over there…

Lay Hold Of—What you do to the Throne of Grace while lifting someone up in prayer.

Deep Truths—Up till now I’ve just been dishing up shallow truths.

Burdened with the Cares of This World—Fed up.

Burning on My Heart—My doctor told me never to eat pizza before I preach.

Amen?—Preacher’s wake-’em-up phrase, usually followed by dull silence from congregation.

I Said ‘AMEN?’—Proper homiletical follow-up for above phrase. Executed while leaning over pulpit, hand cupped to ear.

Touch People’s Lives (and Hearts)—Then get out as soon as possible.

Outreach—What we have when we are trying to touch people’s lives (and hearts).

Extend the Right Hand of Fellowship—The world in which we live calls it “shaking hands.”

Dear Lord God and Precious Heavenly Father—Public prayers must be thus prefaced or they will be sent to the wrong address.

Declare His Word—Shout your doctrine

Plugged into the Spirit—How did the church ever manage to talk about spiritual power before the discovery of electricity?

At the Present Time—Or were you wanting to know about the future?

The Bottom Line—What do you mean the church is too finance-conscious?


Accept Jesus into Your Heart—Okay, if you won’t give him your heart, he’ll just have to come in and get it.

Open Heart—What you must have before Jesus can come in. Bring your own scalpel.

Get to Know God Personally—Just drop by anytime.


Internationally–Known Evangelist (Singer)—He preached (sang) in Tijuana once, and his mother lives in Toronto.

Vital Message of the Hour—We will be delivering 24 of these each day, 168 each week, 8,736 per year…

Multi-Media Production—Two-projector slide show.

Scriptural Keys for Living—Pat formulas to help you obtain success, abundance, and prosperity.

Dynamic—It is against the law to run any kind of church or evangelistic ad without using this term at least twice.

Exciting, Excited—Almost every ad for a Christian book, ministry, movie, magazine, church, evangelist, minister, teacher, or project must contain the phrase “It’s Exciting” or “I’m Excited.” That’s protection against a dull image.

Food, Fun, and Fellowship—It is believed the Apostle Paul invented this phrase, and it has been used in church bulletins ever since.

Time of Fellowship—A period of stiff socializing following a worship service.

The Public Is Invited—If they aren’t, why bother to print this announcement

Come Together—As opposed to coming apart

!—Main form of punctuation for dynamic, exciting Christian acts and books.


Catch the Vision—Get with the program, Jack.

Trust That…—I hope to God you’ll be sensible enough to…

Join with Us in…—See Catch the Vision.

Build Your Faith—Assert yourself to the proper level of enthusiasm. (And all this time you thought God parceled out the faith.)

Let’s Believe Together for…—What you do after you’ve built your faith.

Dear Friend—Radio preacher talk for “People I’ve never seen or met, but who are potential donors.”

Opportunity to Have a Part—What a radio preacher is giving you when he asks for an offering.

As the Lord Leads—As your guilt becomes unbearable. (Usually precedes a “sacrificial” offering.)

We Encourage (Challenge) You to…—See Catch the Vision and As the Lord Leads.

Rise to the Challenge—Perhaps we could take care of this while we’re lifting things to the Throne of Grace. (See also Catch the Vision.)

Further the Ministry—Keep this thing afloat.

Love Offering—As opposed to a Hate Dffering. The proceeds are usually the same, but a love offering is used to Further the Ministry, while a hate offering Is used to say, “The further this ministry gets away from us, the better.”

Let Us Work Together to…—Why don’t you…

And so, dear friends, let us work together in our day-to-day lives to abolish the bromides which daily burden us. Not only these we have mentioned, but others, such as: “Total Commitment,” “Come Expecting a Miracle,” “Moving in a Powerful Way,” and “Growing in the Lord.” The concepts, dear friends, are dynamic and exciting, but in terms of the vital message of the hour, the hackneyed phrases we use will no longer touch people’s lives (and hearts) in the world in which we live. I trust you will lay hold of the deep truths which I have shared, a message that has been burning on my heart. As the Lord leads, let us rise to the challenge declared in his Word. Let’s build our faith and believe together that it can be done. Praise the Lord! I don’t know about you, but I’m excited about the dynamic opportunities of outreach in today’s world, and the bottom line is that we’ve got to start using some new platitudes. That’s art exciting challenge, amen? I said, ‘AMEN?’

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Im still around

Havent posted for a while. I am not dead. Just busy. Lets see whats new. Well my wife and I have been going to a Mennonite Church. I think its probably the best were gonna find.

I am working. A lot. My dog is alive and kicking.

I havent been outraged by anything recently. Maybe I need to get out more

Saturday, August 04, 2007

Crappy towns and good towns

There is an article on Crallspace about crappy mid valley towns. I thought I would make my top 10 best and worst towns in Oregon from my perspective.

The 10 Crappiest

10. St Paul (no habla Espanol)
9. Dallas (seems very rednecky and hickish. Nothing endearing about it)
8. Tigard (suburbia at its worst)
7. Albany (armpit of Oregon)
6. Millersburg (worse than Albany)
5. Newport (armpit of the Coast)
4. Coos Bay (butthole of the coast)
3. Otis (sex offenders and rednecks)
2. Toledo (Inbred Jeds delight)
1. Eddyville (The whole town is about to fall in the creek and I think between all of them they have 3 teeth)

The 10 Best

10. Eugene (too big but decent)
9. Baker City (the scenery is awesome. The people seem decent)
8. Depoe Bay (Nice little coastal town)
7. Lincoln City ( a coastal town with things to do)
6. Cascadia (I agree with Crallspace. Its a nice little place. Some rednecks but I like the peacefulness)
5. Monmouth (seems like a nice small college town)
4. Corvallis (lots to do, cool people, clean, where i would like to raise a family)
3. Cascade Locks (beautiful town. Close to Porland but not too close. didnt strike me as overly redneck)
2. Gold Beach (the best darn place on the Coast)
1. Tollgate (way up in the Blue Mountains. Truly a spiritual experience. )

I am sure I am wrong but thats my right as a blogger. I would be interested in what others think. I dont necessarily thing the above reflects livability, The top 3 that I would like to live in are:

3. Monmouth
2. Eugene
1. Corvallis.

Funny that the three are all college towns. I bet I would like Ashland if I spent any time there too.


Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Its Brand New

I could have put this on my tech blog but the concept goes beyond computers to downright denial. In the tech world I dont know how many times people are dumbfounded when hardware fails. Especially if its new or not old. "Its brand new. It cannot be bad" I have heard people say many times. I have even heard technical people who should know better say this. Now its a fact in the computer world that most failure happen within 30 days so in reality its brand new means its more likely to break not less. That is why some people do something called burn in where it runs for a long period of time.

I have also heard this about other things. I would assume it would be a mechanics nightmare.

It seems like the belief that because something is "brand new" it cannot fail is a basic form of human denial. It drives me nuts.

Another factor in this is something that is "brand new" is more likely than something 10 or more years old to have been made in China with cheap quality by cheap labor. Most products these days are of the same quality as the crap I used to get out of gumball machines as a kid. When it broke in 5 minutes my mom would say what do you expect it was made in china

Friday, July 13, 2007

What If?

OK before I put on the flame proof suit I am not trying to talk biblical innerancy. I am just trying to make people think. I am simply trying to ask what would happen if...

in the year 3507, a group of archealogists make a find. In the ancient city of San Francisco in an archealogical dig. They find what appears to be a temple to the god Google. They reject the religion of Google as too pluralistic. In the excavation of the temple of Google, they discover a primitive form of writing called a hard drive. They figure out how to read it and translate it. On this hard drive is all the blogs on blogspot. They decide it must be from God because it references their ancient religion which they have only a few writings of. They form a committee to decide which blogs will be the text of the religion. The only other info they have about this religion is what people have said and a few pieces of some texts that predate the blog.

What would happen if they decided to take my blog or your blog and put them in a book along with the other books they have and make it into an authoritative volume and claim it is perfect and innerrant?

Hate this post, love it, it will make you think.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Was Calvin a dipwad?

OK. I must admit that I started a firestorm in the comments section at SCP. I called Augustine who was a church official in the 4th century, a dipwad. Now maybe I could have used a better term than dipwad but I think he came up with some knee jerk theology to make his point. Calvin (and Luther) simply resurrected Augustine's old theories.

I am not a scholar but I have studied a bit on the subject and I have issues with the doctrine of predestination as many of you know.

I notice that Christians will give you a virtual bloodbath if you disagree with a doctrine like calvinism but when I make comments or post about things like social injustice they are silent.

I am a Christian so when I say they I guess I am included but I like to think I am a different kind of Christian.

Augustine by the way invented the just war theory to justify Rome conquering the world. Its the same idea that has overrun Churches and people like GW Bush subscribe to.

Ok maybe Augustine wasnt a dipwad, but he sure did a lot of harm to Christianity.

If you want to see the whole nasty string go to
Read the comments near the bottom.

I want to thank "The Pete" aka Dufflehead for sticking up for my on SCP.


This is a post to test some functionality of the blog. If you got this, the email notification is working

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Chickinism pic

With my interested sense of humor that some of you are starting to get. How could I post something called Chickinism without and appropriate photo


This is my invented word for the insane yet entertaining teachings of Jack Chick. You can go to to see more. Chick teaches things like satanic conspiracy theories, that the pope is the antichrist. That Jesuits secretly control the world and that gay people are trying to control your mind. The guy is a looney.

He is more well known for his theologically weak, "scare the hell" out of you tracts that I believe do more harm then good. Maybe hell is a fire fueled by burning chick tracts.

The scary thing is I have met people in Churches who believe his crap. They think their neighbors are closet satanists. That pastors secretly follow the dark one and that those homos are out there to convert little Johnny to be a satan worshipping homosexual, liberal, got hating jesuit. I see some of the fruits of chickinism in the religious right teachings. People ACTUALLY BELIEVE THIS HORSESHIT.

I am not knocking his passion and zeal. That he has. But come on. Good Christian church going family men by day and gay satan worshipping Jesuits by night. WTF?

Jack Chick is almost as damaging to Christianity as Pat Robertson. More proof that people do what they are told.

The "cult" church i was part of years ago that taught that the world would end in 1993 used to buy into all this chickinism conspiracy crap. Dangerous. It would be funny if it wasnt so dangerous

Saturday, July 07, 2007

Faith vs Theology

TKN had some wise words in a comment to one of my previous posts that losing faith isnt letting go of strongly held beliefs or something like that. I apologize if I misquote. Anyway, I have come to a conclusion, though my theology is exploding and melting, my faith is actually getting stronger. Perfect faith needs no theology. Perfect theology needs no faith. I am not falling from or doubting my faith. I am doubting what I have been told I should believe. I am starting to find some peace.

Thanks to all of you. Many have said helpful things. I wonder how much faith a theologian has.

Wisdom from a secular song

Live is a secular band. In fact some of their songs appear anti God (I am specifically referring to Operation Spirit on the Mental Jewelry CD if there are any Live fans). They did a song back in 2003 that sums up faith in my mind. Now I have no kids so it would probably mean even more if I did, but here are some of (OK all of) the words of "Heaven" by Live

You don't need no friends
Get back your faith again
You have the power to believe
Another dissident
Take back your evidence
It has no power to deceive

I'll believe it when I see it for myself

I don't need no one to tell me about heaven
I look at my daughter, and I believe.
I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
I can see the sunset and I perceive

I sit with them all night
Everything they say is right
But in the morning they were wrong
I'll be right by your side
Come hell or water high
Down any road you choose to roam

I'll believe it when I see it for myself

I don't need no one to tell me about heaven
I look at my daughter, and I believe.
I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
I can see the sunset and I perceive, yeah

Darling, I believe, Oh Lord
Sometimes it's hard to breathe, Lord
At the bottom of the sea, yeah yeah

I'll believe it when I see it for myself

I don't need no one to tell me about heaven
I look at my daughter, and I believe.
I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
I can see the sunset and I perceive
I don't need no one to tell me about heaven
I look at my daughter, and I believe.
I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
I can see the sunset
I can see the sunset
I can see the sunset
I don't need no one
I don't need no one, oh
I don't need no one
I don't need no one
To tell me about heaven
I believe
I believe it, yeah

What I see here is a disdain for religion "Take back your evidence
It has no power to deceive"

an expression of faith in a higher power or God "
I don't need no one to tell me about heaven
I look at my daughter, and I believe.
I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
I can see the sunset and I perceive"

and a paradoxical struggle with doubt "I'll believe it when I see it for myself" He obviously believes without seeing but yet says this anyway.

I dont know if this has anything to do with the writers personal faith or its just a story but it sums up basic faith for me right now. I dont need no proof when it comes to God and truth and I can see the sunset and I believe.

Talk about goofy weird childlike faith.

This is an awesome song. Much more profound than most Christian rock. Its gotta be one of my all time favorites.

Friday, July 06, 2007

CAUTION **************

If you are weak in your faith you may want to stop reading now. I dont want to be responsible for anyone losing their religion.

Melted in the fire

I hope all this is just a refining in the fire so to speak and I will come out of it stronger.

I want the truth. Not the religious BS and I no longer care if its compatible with Churchianity. But I may have to sacrifice some sacred cows to get there. as long as I dont lose whats in my heart, I will be OK. I can live with the I dont get it answer but what about being prepared to give a reason. Someone may ask why does God order genocide. What can I say, well the bible says so. Why did he order animal sacrifice, uhh cause he likes the smell of burning animals. I can see that. I love the smell of steak cooking too but thats theologically weak.

The genocide question

OK. I am not losing faith anymore than yesterday but I am having a hard time coming to grips with some things. My main issue is 1 Sam 15:3 I will quote from KJV for all you KJV onlyists Now go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not; but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass.

OK now why would God literally tell Saul to go smite their ass. I am struggling badly with this and have a few theories:

1) We dont know what the Amalekites may have done. But somehow punishing people for sins that were 400 years old dont seem right. That would be like God smiting me for the sins of Martin Luther.

2)Maybe God didnt really say this. Maybe the people made it up to justify their war. Something like GW Bush would do

3) Maybe there is some deep meaning I am just too stupid to understand as a human.

Why would God who is love (and I beleive that with all my heart) tell Israel (who wasnt exactly a godly nation anymore) to commit genocide on a bunch of Amalekites and their asses (donkeys) for somethign their great great great great great grandpas did.

I really really really want to come to terms with this and have some peace. Please help.

My prayer right now is Lord, I believe, please help my unbelief.

I see some of what I used to consider unquestionable spirally apart. I dont want to fall away. I am scared and confused at the same time. Yet deep in my heart I know Jesus is real. I even have the horrible thought in my mind what if the gnostics were right and Jesus daddy wasnt the same God as the OT.


A fellow Oregonian blogger Crallspace mentioned on his blog that he uses sitemeter. I signed up for it and its interesting. Here is what I have found.

1) For some reason my work ISP comes up as being in Bethesda, MD even though I am near Salem, Oregon.

2) Most of my hits come from either my profile (likely a blogger reading a comment I made on a blog) or from Stupid Church People Thanks Steve and Josh. Without you guys I would be totally unknown.

3) I have visitors from primarily the US and Canada and not overseas. Maybe I need to put up some red herring pseudo porn to get more readers.

I cannot tell who is from where, who they are. I am not spying. So please dont hesitate to keep reading. I just find it interesting.

Thursday, July 05, 2007


I have had sort of a meltdown of late. I have been asking questions that Christians arent supposed to ask. And reading interesting blogs by people who are deconverting or have done so. Here is where I am at:

I still believe in Christ. I would have to say that I believe more because in my heart I know what I believe to be true than because anyone or any book tells me to. I believe he was really here, died, rose again and took away my sins. I believe the gospels (the first four books of the NT) are fairly accurate and should be a basis for belief

I am confused by the Old testament and some of Pauls teachings and wonder if they are tainted. I can no longer call myself a biblical innerantist. Is that even a word?

I think now that the Bible is 66 books not one and each one should be looked at individually. Why trust the catholics who put them all together. Now I am not trying to shake anyones faith, but I am saying I question some things. That doesnt shake my faith at all.

Please dont Bible bomb me.

I think the inner witness of God is probably more real to me than religion. He has been there for me I believe. I dont think I would be alive today if somethign hadnt guided me. I believe that somethign to be Christ.

I know I am speaking heresy but arent there any Christians out there that ever ask questions about the Bible.

Some may say I am falling away. I think not.

Some use the Bible to justify war, genocide, torture, putting down women, slavery, etc. I am tired of running circles around why it didnt really mean that and ask why do we believe it. Not God, but the weirdness.

Anybody have a clue what I am talking about because I am not sure I do.

Monday, July 02, 2007

OK More why I hate "Internet Security Software"

It has been my experience that ISS (Internet Security Software) is mostly snake oil and is SEVERELY bloated. The name brand products can and will slow down your PC to a crawl. Normally firewalls will block your net access at some point and make your ISP want to reach through the phone and strangle you when you call and say your down. As a tech I have found that most infected PCs have some kind of big name software (i.e. Norton, MCafee) on them.

Trend is OK if you know what your doing and have more RAM than you need. apparenly none of them work with Vista (I think Vista sucks anyway). Norton and MCafee do more harm than good and are the cause of 50% of ISP support calls.

Some Tech Advice

OK. This is not normally a tech blog but I do work in IT and have for my entire professional life. I just want to share some of my advice on avoiding yuckware/spyware/viruses etc. this is not how to clean it if you get it. Nowadays the crapware is so advanced you are almost better off backing up your files formatting and reinstalling if that happens. I know I can disinfect a PC, but its a lot of work even for a tech. Your normal tools (spybot, adaware, etc) are not gonna save you. Here is how to protect yourself. Its mostly common sense.

1) Thou shalt not use Internet Explorer except on sites that force you. This is the main one. IE is full of holes, targeted and supports a lot of iffy technology. I use Mozilla Firefox unless I hit a site that absolutely requires IE. Not only is Firefox a superior browser but since it doesnt support active X, you are less likely to get infected. In my opinion, casual web browsing (not downloading, hackers, etc) is how

2) Thou shalt not run Limewire, Grokster, Imesh or other P2P tool. Yeah you may want to download music and I dont advise the paid sites because music should be free, but the majority of files on these things are fake and virus infected. If you must do this, get a seperate computer that you turn off when not in use just for this. Now if the music plays the file is clean and you can move it to your real computer.

3) Thou shalt not install smiley faces. Cute addins smileys, weatherbugs, purple monkeys, are almost all spyware of a sort. I even consider Yahoo spyware but not of a dangerous sort. If its free, its most likely adware.

4) Thou shalt not believe a web site that says its spyware free. Everything says that now. It means nothing

5) Thou shalt not surf porn. If you must, do what you do for music downloads. Use a dedicated computer and expect an infection. If you have sex without a condom, youll get a disease. Same goes for your computer

6) Thou shalt not feel safe because you have "internet security software" installed. Norton, McAfee, Trend, they all are some protection but they have two inherit problems (other than making your computer run like crap). 1) They dont help you until you have a virus. 2) The line between viruses and legitimate ads has been blurred. Dont waste your time and money with Norton, McAffee, etc. Its like the dept of homeland security It will terribly inconvenience you to make you feel safe

7) Thou shalt not hide problems from your techie friend. If you get an error, write it down and admit what you were doing. Your techie friend cant read your mind and decipher imaginary errors

8) Thou shalt keep Windows up to date. You can at least patch the holes they know of

9) Thou shalt not let others use your computer without knowing what they are doing. My wife let a friend use her PC once and the first thing she did was open up IE and infect away

10) Thou shalt not assume you are being hacked. You arent. It just doesnt happen to normal people.

OK so what do you do. Run a good free antivirus like AVG or Avast. Ask a tech, dont google free anti virus. has both. If you have an old computer, run AVG, If you have a fast PC, Avast is a little better.

Dont bother with firewall software unless you are on dialup. DSL and cable modems usually are firewalls. Software firewalls may make you feel safer, but they normally just annoy and again, they cant help unless its already on there. If you dont understnad them, dont bother with them.

Do run Adaware and Spybot and Cleanup or Crap Cleaner once a week or if anything weird happens.(or your friend/child) uses your PC.

Dont assume that because you dont go anywhere bad, you are safe. You arent.

Take it for what its worth. I will answer tech emails but I am not your personal tech. I cant work wonders and I cant help you disinfect your PC (successfully)

The fruits of of fruity calvanism

Look what it did.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Female Friends

I am a straight married man but I have always related well to females. Even as a kid I was often friends with girls. Not exclusively. I had male friends (and still do) also. I have over the years developed a few close (almost family like) friendships with some females that I have known for years. I think this is OK. Perhaps non-traditional but OK. My wife is cool with it too and relates well to guys. I did a bit of searching online and discovered that secular web sites seem to promote this is OK but Churchie's seem to treat it as sinful and awful. I have never cheated on my wife. Never will. I view my female friends the same way as male friends and those I am very close to as I would a sister. I am an only child. One friend in particular I have known since I was 14 and is very much like a sister to me. I did have a crush on her for a while but that was years ago. So anyway. A friend of my wifes (who is female) said that it is sinful and should not be allowed. I have had people say that (pastors wifes mostly). Whats the problem. Why does it matter what parts my friends have (to put it crudely).

I think women tend to be more outgoing and since I am so introverted, I make friends with them easier. Could be it.

I have a friend who I have known for a little over a year. I actually consider her and her husband both friends and my wife knows them too. I have however known the woman longer and talked to her more. During some bad weather my friend allowed me to stay at her house a couple of days. At the time I lived 67 miles from work and over a mountain range. This was a very nice thing for them to do. Nothing in any way happend, or even got thought of happening. I thought nothing of it (except gratitude to my friend for saving me from crashing on the way home). This psycho religious nutball friend of my wifes found out and said I am probably commiting adultery or will and that I should never talk to this friend again. Especially since she is not "walking with the Lord" whatever that means.

Is my perspective so messed up and "worldly" or do I think that my wifes friend is a nut and most Churchies need to chill here.

I dont want to change the way I am just to please others who think I am sending the wrong message. I sure dont want to give up any friendships over it. I dont have a lot of friends. I sure dont need to lose any.

Oh I havent told my friend (the nice one who let me stay at her house) about this incident but I am sure she will get a good laugh out of it. Who knows, maybe she will read it here.

Anyway, I guess I am curious what do the rest of my new group (very diverse crows) of friends think about the whole men having female friends thing?

The Perfect Church

OK. I am convinced there is no such thing but if I had a perfect Church, here is how it would go:

1) It would be Christian. Not in the pop-culture way. But in that it would follow the true teachings of Christ. Thats a pretty radical idea in itself

2) It would have morals (dont kill, cheat on, steal, etc) but not get stuck on hot button issues. There is more to life than those gay people having abortions (since gay people usually dont have kids, I gotta wonder about that one). Point being there is more to life than that.

3) It would respect all life. Now is that pro-life. Well in the true sense yes. All life. Unborn, alive, old, young, muslim, Christian, green, purple, poor, rich. All Gods people (and animals too to some extent) deserve to live. No I am not a vegan or vegetarin but I couldnt kill anything except bugs. Oh yeah and environmentally concious. God made trees too. Not so you can cut them down.

4) It would be Egalitarian. Men and women would have the same rights and all holding the complementarian viewpoint would be challenged. None of this submission stuff.

5) It would be a peace church. If Jesus is the prince of peace, the Church would have to have loyalty to him above any government. I would say pacifism is a must

6) It would be A-Political. No endorsements of politicians

7) It would be non-tithing. I dont believe tithing is a new testament concept. I dont care if you want to believe that but I cant deal with all the "sowing seeds" talk. If you want to tithe than tithe. But dont shove it down my throat. Giving would be voluntary and not out of guilt

8) It would be emerging . Now this is a can of worms. By emerging I dont mean a member of Emergent village. But I do mean relevant and not stale and boring.

9) It would not be capitalist and run like a business. Too many Churches are run like businesses and care about money. Preaching would be free speech not what wont piss off the big givers. Its not business

There is probably more and I am sure its imperfect. Please comment and give me your ideas on perfect church


I borrowed this from a Mennonite web site so I hope I am not plagerizing. I just havent see all the verses put to together like this. The bottom line is Jesus is a Republican and supports the war in Iraq. Only a fool could get reach any other conclusion from these verses

Bible verses that call for peace
Old Testament verses
Exodus 14:14 The Lord will fight for you; you have only to be still.
Numbers 6:24 May the Lord bless you...and give you peace
Numbers 12:3 Moses was more humble than anyone else....
Deuteronomy 9:5 Not because of your righteousness, but their wickedness...
Deuteronomy 17:16 The king must not acquire great numbers of horses...
Joshua 24:12 You did not (drive them out) by your own sword and bow
1 Samuel 2:9 It is not by strength that one prevails;
1 Samuel 8:11 The king will take your sons...and the Lord will not answer
1 Samuel 10:19 You have rejected God...and asked for a king
1 Samuel 17:47 It is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves;
1 Samuel 25:33 May you be blessed...for keeping me from bloodshed/vengeance
1 Chronicles 22:8 You have fought many wars...and are not to build a house for my Name, because you have shed much blood on the earth in my sight. But you will have a son who will be a man of peace
1 Chronicles 28:3 You are not to build God's house because you are a warrior
Psalms 11:5 The soul of the Lord hates...those who love violence
Psalms 17:4 I have kept myself from the ways of the violent
Psalms 20:7 Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.
Psalms 33:16 A king is not saved by his great army....
Psalms 34:14 Turn from evil; do good; seek peace and pursue it
Psalms 35:20 (The ungodly) make false accusations against those living quietly
Psalms 44:3 It was not by their sword that they won their land....
Psalms 44:6 My sword does not bring me victory...
Psalms 46:8 He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth
Psalms 68:30 Scatter the nations who delight in war.
Psalms 120:6 Too long have I lived among those who hate peace. I am a man of peace; but when I speak, they are for war.
Psalms 140:1-2 Protect me from the violent who...stir up wars continually
Psalms 146:3 Do not put your trust in princes, who cannot save
Proverbs 13:2 The unfaithful have a craving for violence.
Ecclesiastes 9:18 Wisdom is better than weapons of war
Isaiah 9:6 A child has been born...and he is named...Prince of Peace
Isaiah 31:1 Woe to those who...rely on horses/chariots/horsemen
Isaiah 59:8 The way of peace they do not know
Jeremiah 4:19 I writhe in pain...I cannot keep silent...for I hear...the alarm of war.
Ezra 8:22 I was ashamed to ask the king for soldiers to protect us
Hosea 1:7 I will save...not by bow, sword, battle, horses, horsemen
Hosea 2:18 Bow/sword/battle I will abolish from the land
Hosea 10:13 Because you depend on will be destroyed.
Hosea 11:9 I am God not man; I will not come in wrath
Hosea 14:3 Assyria cannot save us; we will not ride war-horses
Micah 4:3 Nations will not train for war anymore.
Micah 5:2-5 One who is to rule in Israel...shall be the one of peace.
Micah 5:10 In that day...I will cut off your horses...and destroy your chariots.
Nahum 1:15 Look!! The feet of one...who proclaims peace!!
Zechariah 4:6 Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit
New Testament verses

*=teachings of Jesus
*Matthew 5:9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God
*Matthew 5:38-42 Do not resist one who is evil
*Matthew 5:43 Love your enemies; pray for persecutors
*Matthew 26:52 All who take the sword will perish by the sword
*Mark 9:50 Be at peace with each other.
Luke 1:79 (Jesus will) guide our feet into the path of peace.
*Luke 6:27 Love your enemies; bless those who persecute you
*Luke 19:42 If only you (Jerusalem) had known what would bring you peace
*Luke 22:51 Jesus said, "No more of this!! (striking with the sword)"
*John 14:27 Peace I leave with you...not as the world gives do I give...
*John 14:30 The ruler of this world...has no hold on me
*John 16:2 Anyone who kills you thinks he is offering service to God ...because they have not known the Father
*John 18:11 Jesus said to Peter, "Put your sword into its sheath..."
*John 18:36 If my kingdom were of this servants would fight
*Acts 5:29 We must obey God, rather than man.
*Romans 3:17 No one seeks God; the way of peace they do not know
*Romans 12:17 Return no one evil for at peace with everyone
*Romans 12:21 Overcome evil with good
*Romans 14:19 Make every effort to do what leads to peace
*1 Corinthians 2:6-8 The rulers of this age...come to not understand
*1 Corinthians 7:15 God has called us to live in peace.
*1 Corinthians 14:33 God is not a god of disorder but of peace.
*2 Corinthians 10:3 For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does.
*2 Corinthians 10:4 The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world.
*Ephesians 2:17 He preached peace to you who were far...and near
*Colossians 3:15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your heart...
*1 Thessalonians 5:15 Do not return evil for evil.
*2 Timothy 2:24 The servant of the Lord must be gentle to all
*Hebrews 12:14 Make every effort to live in peace with all men and be holy
*James 3:18 Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest/righteousness.
*1 Peter 2:23 ...He (Jesus) did not retaliate...He made no threats
*1 Peter 3:8 Do not return evil for evil.
*1 Peter 3:11 Turn from evil; do good; seek peace; pursue it

Monday, June 18, 2007

Nobody believes what they say anymore

Or so it would seem. A good example is my previous post. The A/G is very pro Bush and many are pro war. They swear allegiance to the US govt in ALL situations well whatever. Anyway, if their web site claims they dont like war then why are they all a bunch of Bushies in practice.

Here is another one that gets me. Many churches claim to be Egalitarian. Even the A/G is considered Egalitarian. I challenge you to find me 10 people in any evangelical denomination that are really egalitarian. The complementarian BS keeps getting shoved down our throats in Churches that claim to be egalitarian. I hear all the lies. That I as the man am the priest of the home. Thats not biblical. All the submission crap (which is a good excuse for women to be passive agressive and blame their husbands for everything). Doctrine and position papers are totally meaningless if the people hang onto their twisted traditions. I am very disgruntled with all of evangelicalism right now.

I am still a Christian. If you want to battle me on this, dont quote the same old tired verses from 2 Timothy. Show me where Jesus promotes war or complimentarianism.

Without radical change inside the Church, I fear that the younger generation who doesnt buy into this crap will be so turned off they will give up on God altogether. Perception is reality. Thanks to W and others the perception of christiainity is pretty shitty

Church Shopping Again

OK. I am Church shopping again. Not because the one I had been going to is bad. Its not bad. Its just kind of cold at times. I wanted to take it all in at first so that I liked, but nobody talks to us. That is NOT why we are Church shopping. Here is why:

I can no longer deal with the over the top neo-conservative agenda being spewed forth in Churches. I can no longer be part of a Church that subtly promotes republicanism and the love of war.

Here is the statement on the Assemblies of God website:

Does the Assemblies of God have a position on war and conscientious objectors?

The Assemblies of God position on war and conscientious objectors states: "As a Movement we affirm our loyalty to the government of the United States in war or peace. We shall continue to insist, as we have historically, on the right of each member to choose for himself whether to declare his position as a combatant [one who willingly serves in positions of violence], a noncombatant [one who serves only in nonviolent ways], or a conscientious objector [one who refuses to participate in any form of military service because of personal convictions regarding war]." (Article XXII of the Bylaws)

Now why is this bad? Well the absolute loyalty to the government in any case bothers me a lot. Especially in the current administration. I feel that the purpose of a Church is loyalty to God not to the government. Is that not what our forefathers wanted to get away from?

I am going to try out the Mennonites and the Quakers (no not the Amish, the normal mennonites,though I highly respect the Amish).

I need to be in a Church that is not full of little bushians chanting WAR

Sunday, June 17, 2007

More info

OK. That was a joke but I really did score 100 on the Bible knowledge test. I am not anything great but I know my Bible better than most Pastors.Honestly I think only Athiests may know it better. Another talk. No I am not an atheist. Later

Im too sexy for this blog

You know the Bible 100%!

Wow! You are awesome! You are a true Biblical scholar, not just a hearer but a personal reader! The books, the characters, the events, the verses - you know it all! You are fantastic!

Ultimate Bible Quiz
Create MySpace Quizzes

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

The yellow brick road to HELL!!!!!

Nice title huh. Nothing theological here today though. A post over on Crallspace got me thinking about songs I HATE. I have endured Goodbye Yellow Brick Road by Elton John for most of my life. The hideous song haunts me with childhood memories of pediatricians offices and makes me want to throw up. I havent been tortured with it lately in stores though over time I have. Though just thinking about it when I commented on Crallspace made the evil melody get stuck in my head which in turn makes me want to grab a barf bag fast. I suspect its some kind of emotional trigger to a not so happy place in my past. I guess musically its no worse than others though not the best. My idea of hell would be listening to it for eternity. Maybe with a Chicago song or two thrown in.

Interesting enough. Goodbye yellow brick road was released in 1973. I was born in 1972. So it could be a doorway to my past. Though I would hope my past isnt as creepy as that song is to me.

Anyone else have a song that makes them just want to curl up and die?

Thursday, June 07, 2007

New addition to family

No we didnt have a baby but we have a new family member. Last week we adopted the most loving affectionate big clumsy dog I have ever seen. When I get home from work, he jumps up on me. When I sit on the couch he will lay there with me for about an hour just happy to see me. He does the same thing to my wife. We have had him less than a week and already he is a part of the family that we could never imagine giving up. Its amazing to me how fast a dog will bond with you if you let them and it takes people years. I promise to put some pictures of him up here as I get them. Take care all. I hadnt posted in a while. No complaints today. Just a proud papa of a 90 pound black lab mix.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

A step back in time

Yesterday my wife and I visited historic Silver City Idaho. Its not your typical pseudo gift shop old west town. The road is challenging and takes hours. You really need a truck or other off road type vehicle to get there. This town has no indoor plumbing to speak of. Very little electricity, no phones (except one for emergencies) and only 1 year round resident. Some of it has been restored but not commercialized. It really is like stepping back 100 years. Back in 97 we tried to get there in my Honda Civic and didnt make it. Finally we got there.

Being there was peaceful. The cares of our modern world are removed for a short time when you are there. I highly recommend it, but dont expect anything modern here.

Here are a couple of pictures of Silver City

Sunday, May 20, 2007

the onceler wuz here

Yesterday I went to the coast. It had been a while. My wife and I noticed more kleercut logging has occured off 34 near alsea. - can't help but think of the lorax and the onceler when I see that. I guess once there are no more trees left, the onceler will move on. If we aren't careful our state will look like sw idaho where all the trees are gone

Thursday, May 17, 2007

New Rant

OK. I will shut up about election and predestination for a while. My new rant, POS Churchianity, etc.

I just read a book by Ron Martoia called Static. Its a decent read. I dont 100% theologically agree with him. I think he goes too far with making salvation a process and redefining the Bible. I do agree that packaging is wrong though. To some extent, I think Ron was trying to repackage the item, but in the end he gets it right. I learned myself that being Christian and evangelism is not about preaching. its about relationships.

In America, we have understood Christianity in a very capitalistic mentality. We (the Church) are the company that provides the goods or services (in this case, eternal life). In order to provide such services, we have to market (evangelize) and sell. Closing the sale is a huge part of sales. So the POS (point of sale) of Churchianity is the altar call. At this point we try to ram Jesus down peoples throats to close the deal so we can rack up some more numbers for the Kingdom. I think this approach is highly unbiblical. Yeah you can get your numbers up but God is not a capitalist, Church is not a business and salvation is not a product. The front of the Church is not a heavenly checkout stand where you trade your money (in this case the sinners prayer) for the product, the ticket to heaven. Maybe its more of a train station than a store, but you get the point.

Why not do what Jesus did. Get over the obsession with conversions. Get out there and live a good life. If people want to become Christians they will do so because they see us a real not because we try to sell them something. This is NOT FREAKING AMWAY people.

I also believe that people of all faiths or no faith are worthy of mutual respect. We are not an exclusive club. We buy our Jesus coats and were ready to go.

Relationship is where its at. If someone says hey you seem to have it figured out. What do you believe, then we can tell them. If they want to be a Christian at that point, we can explain what that means to us.

There is more than enough condemnation in the world. Dont forget Jesus said he did not come into the world to condemn it but to save it. Slight paraphrase.

Anyway, thats my thought of the day

Monday, May 14, 2007


Bibliolatry is the worship of the Bible or any other text regarded as inerrant scripture. The word is a conflation of the words "bible" and "idolatry," and though it may also refer to an extreme devotion to books in general, it is more often used as a derogatory reference to extremely literal interpretation of a holy book.

There may be no one who actually claims to worship the Bible itself, but those who believe in biblical inerrancy and biblical literalism are often considered to be bibliolaters by those who take a less literal view of scripture. Many Christians believe that God is revealed only through the Bible and that everything about the Bible reveals God. Some contend that this is essentially worship of the Bible, and that God is also revealed through the study of nature, reason (Logos), traditional practice and individual experience (see the Wesleyan Quadrilateral), all of which must be taken into account when deciding how to truly follow God and how to properly interpret any scripture.

Often used as a smear word to label one's theological opponents as too extreme or close-minded, the word frequently appears in exchanges between different Christian sects or different wings of a Christian sect or church. In his book Whose Bible Is It? A History of the Scriptures Through the Ages (ISBN 0-670-03385-5), Jaroslav Pelikan writes of Unitatis Redintegratio 21, "the Second Vatican Council of the Roman Catholic church of 1962-1965 could speak with a mixture of genuine admiration and ever-so-gentle reproof about a 'love and reverence, almost a cult, for Holy Scripture' among the 'separated Protestant brethren'." Southern Baptist Dr. William Merrell published an irate denial of the charge of bibliolatry by the Baptist Faith and Message Committee in 2000.[1]


24. This premised, let it be observed, that this doctrine represents our blessed Lord, "Jesus Christ the righteous," "the only begotten Son of the Father, full of grace and truth," as an hypocrite, a deceiver of the people, a man void of common sincerity. For it cannot be denied, that he everywhere speaks as if he was willing that all men should be saved. Therefore, to say he was not willing that all men should be saved, is to represent him as a mere hypocrite and dissembler. It cannot be denied that the gracious words which came out of his mouth are full of invitations to all sinners. To say, then, he did not intend to save all sinners, is to represent him as a gross deceiver of the people. You cannot deny that he says, "Come unto me, all ye that are weary and heavy laden." If, then, you say he calls those that cannot come; those whom he knows to be unable to come; those whom he can make able to come, but will not; how is it possible to describe greater insincerity? You represent him as mocking his helpless creatures, by offering what he never intends to give. You describe him as saying on thing, and meaning another; as pretending the love which his had not. Him, in "whose mouth was no guile," you make full of deceit, void of common sincerity; -- then especially, when, drawing nigh the city, He wept over it, and said, "O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, thou killest the prophets, and stonest them that are sent unto thee; how often would I have gathered thy children together, -- and ye would not;" _EthelEsa -- kai ouk EthelEsate_. Now, if you say, they would_, but _he would not_, you represent him (which who could hear?) as weeping crocodiles' tears; weeping over the prey which himself had doomed to destruction!

25. Such blasphemy this, as one would think might make the ears of a Christian to tingle! But there is yet more behind; for just as it honours the Son, so doth this doctrine honour the Father. It destroys all his attributes at once: It overturns both his justice, mercy, and truth; yea, it represents the most holy God as worse than the devil, as both more false, more cruel, and more unjust. More false; because the devil, liar as he is, hath never said, "He willeth all men to be saved:" More unjust; because the devil cannot, if he would, be guilty of such injustice as you ascribe to God, when you say that God condemned millions of souls to everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels, for continuing in sin, which, for want of that grace he will not give them, they cannot avoid: And more cruel; because that unhappy spirit "seeketh rest and findeth none;" so that his own restless misery is a kind of temptation to him to tempt others. But God resteth in his high and holy place; so that to suppose him, of his own mere motion, of his pure will and pleasure, happy as he is, to doom his creatures, whether they will or no, to endless misery, is to impute such cruelty to him as we cannot impute even to the great enemy of God and man. It is to represent the high God (he that hath ears to hear let him hear!) as more cruel, false, and unjust than the devil!

These are the words of John Wesley. Few nowadays would call him a heretic, yet I feel that some would like to see me burnt at the stake for my take on predestination and election.

Monday, May 07, 2007

Mission Accomplished

4 years ago that was the banner. Apparently that mission is over and this new one is better. I know this was about the election but it made me think of a song by a band called Propaghandi.

Four more years of War is Peace, Ignorance is Strength and Slavery is Freedom.
Four more. May all your interventions be "Humanitarian".
Four more years of pay-to-play politics, power and influence.
Four more years of legalized bribery and served corporate interests.

Well its been four years since Mission accomplished. I think it really is. Its not the accomplishment that was a lie. Its what the mission was.

Another Post

I really cant think of much to say right now. I am tired and overheated. It got up to 82 today and its almost as hot in my house right now.

Overall I am more content with things. Other than being broke now, life is good. but I am suffering from an unexplainable fear. I worry that everything will crash and burn. I look for the hook in what everyone says and does. I experience deep dread that something awful will happen. Though I must remind you that on the surface things are fine. I think I am a slacker. I think I can tdo anything right. I feel like if everyone else figured it out, they wouldnt want me around. Deep down, I think I am messed up and am good at hiding it from the world around me. I feel like a faker. Like an imposter in my own skin at times. Like I am faking it. If they could only see in, they would not like what they see. Now if I can just figure out who they are.

I feel better having written this.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007


What does the word mean? Many think it has to do with AA. Or the serenity prayer (invented by AA., Just kidding) Heres the definition



  1. Lack of emotional agitation: calm, calmness, peace, peacefulness, placidity, placidness, quietude, tranquillity. See calm/agitation.
  2. An absence of motion or disturbance: calm, calmness, hush, lull, peace, peacefulness, placidity, placidness, quiet, quietness, stillness, tranquillity, untroubledness. See calm/agitation.

I find it essential to obtain serenity to ponder the things of God. Or is it that pondering God makes me serene. Either way, they seem to go hand in hand.