Sunday, August 31, 2008

PAX (Penny Arcade Expo)

Today I went to a gaming convention which is something I have never done. I was a gamer back in the 80s and 90s but I have not been that into it recently. This was a really cool event though. Lots of cool people. I tried out some fun games. I actually liked the shoot em up kind of games the best (which is weird since i dont like war) Perhaps war simulation is OK as long as its fake. Anyway, it was a new experience and a lot of fun. I think I may go to all three days of it next year. I might get into gaming again between now and then which will make it better. It wasnt as geeky as the startrek convention I went to once. That truly was an experience many years ago.

I also got together with Ninjanun and the Pete. They were at PAX as well. Afterward we went out for dinner. I always have a great time talking with them. They seem to some of the few people I know that actually get it when it comes to religion. I think if I lived up here we would hang out a lot.

This is my last night here in Seattle. Tomorrow its back to Oregon. Tuesday I go back to slavery (uhh I mean work).

I know I have gotten a bit out there on this blog lately but I am getting more balance. This trip is exactly what I needed.

I miss my wife and it will be good to see her though

Friday, August 29, 2008

In Seattle

I am in Seattle this long weekend visiting my dad. It was a long traffic filled drive up here but its nice to get away for a few days. This is a low stress environment. Dont know what all I am gonna do. Might hook up with some friends if schedules permit.

I am feeling peaceful and content right now.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

The Day After

Well now its the day after but the minute after I concocted the monstrosity before, I decided to ponder and meditate and I realized I am not off base. I just need to chill and be more tolerant. Tolerant of those who choose to worship God in the way of being in Church. My form of worship is between me and God. It can be prayer. It can be meditation. It can be standing in awe at the wonders of nature out in the woods. To me they are all manifestations of God. I hear him in the stillness. Sometimes I just need to clear away the clutter and listen.

Now my wife and I are fine. My main point was that I accused her of being brainwashed but she is sincere and I know we follow the same God so if she speaks a little churchese, I will be OK with it. I wont be OK with legalism and judgementalness but her heart is good and she is not a judgemental person. She may get more from Church than I do but thats OK. I should take what I can from every experience and try to give to it at the same time. Living each day and moment at a time.

Her school is very much a Churchianity college so I should expect an influence. I think the people at her school are sincere dedicated Christians as are a lot of Churchgoers. I choose to be a free thinker and that is not promoted in much of Churchianity. Thats my main issue. That and pious legalism.

Oh and I was TOTALLY KIDDING about voting for John McCain. Whatever you think of Obama, McCain is 1000 times worse.

I wish I could vote for Kucinich. The trendier Obama gets the less I trust him but he is what we have.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

This is Ponderous Man. Really Ponderous

OK. So I finally start to find a bit of inner peace in worship of Christ and practicing meditation (of a Buddhist nature). Now my wife goes back to a Christian College and she seems to start "talking in Churchese" and it makes me sick. I am worried. Could I be off base? Could I be heading down the road to destruction? Should I stop this meditation and get my butt back in a Church pew and do what I am told so I can feel more like a Christian? My heart says NO. I still dont feel far from Christ yet I feel farther from Churchianity than ever (though I will attend Church to appease the requirements of my wifes school). I will even try to take from it the good. I went to Baptist Church this week and there was some good in it. But I can say the same about Buddhism. I am theologically a bit unraveled about a fight I had with my wife this evening that had somewhat to do with a piousness I see in her just from registering at school. Can it be real if it changes her? Can it be right if she has to put on the Churchianity mask just to attend? Perhaps we were backslidden over the summer and now she is back with the Lord. I dont know. My Churchianity background is filled with fear. Fear of hell fire. So I am afraid. Maybe I should just go back so that I can have my fire insurance. Maybe I should vote for John McCain and preach to the filthy sinners. Maybe I should stop hanging out with my Buddhist friend and start hanging out with Pastors again.

I want to follow Christ. I just dont want to be who I was 5 years ago. If I met the me I was then, I would kick my own ass

Fiduciary Responsibility to Maximize Profits for Shareholders

This is the core. The blackened evil rotten core of capitalism. I know many will disagree but any entity that exists and is legally bound to maximize profits at all costs can and will kill, rape, pillage, destroy, outsource, and fuck over anyone who gets in its way of making a buck. They HAVE to. Its the LAW. They have to outsource to China. otherwise they can be sued by their shareholder for losing money.

This is the heart of modern capitalism. This is why companies throw away employees and customers like used tampons. This is why you get someone in India when you call for support. This is why everything is shit and made in China by 10 year olds for $5 a month.

If America is so gosh darn righteous why do we promote this system. This system of tyranny and slavery as Christian. Why are those who claim to be "of the Lord" some of the richest pigs on the planet. Not all but a lot.

I realize I have made some gross generalizations and I am actually not in a bad mood.

I was created to do more than "maximize profits" so some rich fuck can buy another yacht.

Anyway, I think I need to do some meditation and put this out of mind. I read an article that got me fired up. Now I misplaced it.

I do believe small businesess and employee owned companies (though often driven by the same greed mentality) can be good. I think that publicly traded corporations by nature have to be evil and can only do good if it will result in more $$$$$ in their pockets. Thats the law.

I want to clarify that most of the people who work for these corps are decent hard working people. They (we) me too are slaves to this. Though I dont work for a publicly traded company, I have and probably will again. Wage slavery is what it is. Sometimes screwing people for money just goes with the job description.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Todd Bentley Sex Scandal

BAM - He has been caught!!!!!!!!


I have found a good reason to vote for Obama. He hates mayonaise. Can we ask for more?

My Meditative Journey

Well its official. My wife has told me that I have been a lot better since I have started doing daily meditations. I am doing some guided relaxations as well as some guided (and now non-guided) Vipassana meditations. I am not sure I am doing Vipassana correctly but I think I got the idea (being aware of breath, feelings, etc). It is doing wonders.

I also find that it is clearing my mind enough to focus on spirituality. I can think about God during and after meditation with a clear mind and a lower stress perspective.

I am still a Christian but I really think Buddhism has some real treasure in it.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Spiritual Penguin Chow and Spiritual BARF

OK. I was compelled after reading an article on the Ooze to post on the connection I see between Pastors regurgitating their teachings to their "sheeple" and the fact the mother penguins regurgitate their food into the mouth of the young. In both cases it may keep you alive but do you think the little penguins like eating barf? Well maybe they do.

So go to Church and get loaded up on some regurgitated spiritual puke passed on from generation to generation or think and pray yourself and get some real meat.

A Touch of Nostalgia

I was listening to the 90s at noon on NRQ and taken back to a simpler time in my life. Back when I had little to no financial obligations, met the love of my life, thought of a job as a job not a prison and was idealistic. I believed that people were basically good. That corporations would take care of you if you did a good job. I was becoming a republican though not there yet (that happened in 1999).

I remember good things. Dreams of the future. Nice melodic post grunge music, beer, and lots of time on the BBS. For those who dont know what a BBS is its like a localized chat room.

Now the BBS are all gone. I have become disillusioned with the american dream, I believe that people are out for themselves first, work is slavery to the ruling class so that I can pay off my debt for living during my idealistic days. So I can support the wallet of the tyranical ruling class of this country. Companies will throw you away like a used condom no matter how hard you work.

However not all is lost. I still have the love of my life and I am coming to realize that I cannot lament the past or totally live for the future. I am trying a new thing. Living in the moment. This moment is usually not that bad and if it is, it too will pass.

I sometimes get nostalgic about the good old days. BBS were sometimes free. Some did charge but just to pay for the costs involved. They did it for fun. Now the Internet is all about profit and its just as fucked as the rest of the world. But there is still some good in it.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

McDowell Creek Falls

McDowell Falls by ~spiritbear872 on deviantART

Whats new in life

Well not a lot. This weekend we went to a Church campout at a local "Emergent type" Church. The whole thing was geared around couples with little brats (I mean kids). I felt like I had nothing in common with these people even though there were nice at least superfically.

I also had a very intriguing conversation with a coworker of mine who I think is becoming a friend. He is a practicing Buddhist and we had a great talk about God, Buddhism, and Vipassana meditation. Initially my Churchianity background kicked in and alarm bells went off about the idea of trying out a Buddhist meditation technique but why not. Vipassana is esentially atheistic. In that it doesnt require belief in any God. You can take God or leave him. So why cant I as a Christian try it out. So my wife and I did and it was an amazing experience. We just did one 20 minute meditation and I felt better than I have in weeks. I dont feel any less Christian for having tried it. In fact I think I experienced something that could enhance my faith by taking the mind off the cares of this life. I also have found that a lot of teachings of Buddha and Christ as similar. I am not a Buddhist and I dont plan to become one but I have a much deeper appreciation and respect for the Buddhist faith and the practice of meditation. To say that to meditate is anti Christian is like saying that drinking water (unless its holy water) is anti Christian. Perhaps at one time everyone followed the same God. I feel the heresy coming on now.

I am not sure where this is going but I thought I would share the experience.