OK. So I finally start to find a bit of inner peace in worship of Christ and practicing meditation (of a Buddhist nature). Now my wife goes back to a Christian College and she seems to start "talking in Churchese" and it makes me sick. I am worried. Could I be off base? Could I be heading down the road to destruction? Should I stop this meditation and get my butt back in a Church pew and do what I am told so I can feel more like a Christian? My heart says NO. I still dont feel far from Christ yet I feel farther from Churchianity than ever (though I will attend Church to appease the requirements of my wifes school). I will even try to take from it the good. I went to Baptist Church this week and there was some good in it. But I can say the same about Buddhism. I am theologically a bit unraveled about a fight I had with my wife this evening that had somewhat to do with a piousness I see in her just from registering at school. Can it be real if it changes her? Can it be right if she has to put on the Churchianity mask just to attend? Perhaps we were backslidden over the summer and now she is back with the Lord. I dont know. My Churchianity background is filled with fear. Fear of hell fire. So I am afraid. Maybe I should just go back so that I can have my fire insurance. Maybe I should vote for John McCain and preach to the filthy sinners. Maybe I should stop hanging out with my Buddhist friend and start hanging out with Pastors again.
I want to follow Christ. I just dont want to be who I was 5 years ago. If I met the me I was then, I would kick my own ass
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment