Today is the first sort of business day of the new year. I am looking at this new year as new beginning. A new hope. However, it seems that many out here woke up on the wrong side of the bed and hate the world in this new year. People have threatened to sue. Customers complaining. Old people whining about being on a fixed income. A new year is a clean slate. Why must so many people crap all over it. I want to love people. I want to see them as God does, but people are so gosh darn unlovable.
I am tired, cold and soaking wet. I want to wake up tomorrow to a different world. Maybe the one that left when the old year left.
Anyone remember Ghostbusters 2? The river of negatively charged slime. I think that river must have flooded over onto the residents of Oregon this weekend.
My character and integrity were attacked by a fellow Christian this weekend who tried to make me lose my job. I called her on it. She apologized and I forgive. Why was it necessary to take that jab at me? I forgive but the hole from the knife is still there. As it heals, scar tissue will form. Eventually I fear I will be as pathetic and hardended as the old people I complain about. I realize its not them I fear, but I fear what I will become. I want to be like Christ. I want to care but I also want to tell those miserable people to shut the fsck up.
Oh well, I guess I need to pray. Pray for the wretched miserable people. Pray that whoever hurt them will become a better person. Pray that I dont end up like them. I would rather die than be that way. Pray that God has it in his heart to forgive them.
I guess deep down I do still care. Thats why it hurts so damn much sometimes.
6 comments:
Sorry about the whininess and negative nature of this post. I got on a tangent there. Sometimes the heart starts to pour. Sure made me feel a lot better to write it out
You have to stop apologizing for being honest about how you feel. Could you please let yourself be? People get annoyed about crap. You have permission to be whiny. It's really ok. Be how you are and don't apologize until you actually hurt or offend someone.
OK. I am sorry for being sorry. Just kidding,
Thanks. You know others have told me that too. I think Im just so damn insecure its not funny
Well, my parents hate each other too. It's hard to be secure when the two people that make up your genetic material don't like one another. It's cool. Dude, where does it say that following God is about being positive all the time?. That's a bunch of bullshit they teach in church...It's bullshit! Whine, complain, commiserate all you want...I hear it's still free. Besides haven't you read ecclesiastes and lamentations?
First I would like to comment on your statement, "Eventually I fear I will be as pathetic and hardended as the old people I complain about." If you fear, you won't become. However, fear is not healthy. What I am trying to say is you shouldn't be afraid, but because you are, you won't need to worry. Okay, This is going nowhere. I know that you won't become hardened, you are one of the nicest guys I've ever known.
Second, I would like to comment on mj. I agree with you about having to be positive all the time. There are many prophets that are the bible that weren't positive all the time. It's not only good to get out your feelings, it's also good to see that you're human. Hopefully, you understand what I am saying.
Looking back at this post, I can see I was whiny and pathetic. I dont think I have felt this charged up since I wrote this. Things are a lot better now.
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