The Great Divide

I am well versed in the great divide between the sacred and the secular. Partially because from the time I was a small child, I was told by my mom and others that I had a "call of God" on my life. As a teenager, I was a fanatical bible thumping holy roller that thought everyone else was headed for hell. I was so spiritual. At least I thought I was, Yes I had a good walk with God but the benefits were offset by the strangeness of the Church I was in and the people I was around. My dream was to attend Jimmy Swaggart Bible College and become, well just like Jimmy Swaggart. Regardless, I drifted away from this and I guess I had my first Church detox back then. Part of it happend with JS found his hooker and I realized he wasnt the man I thought he was. I was a Christian but didnt go to Church anymore. I had problems and didnt act very Pious. I am not justifying some of what I did, but later, wow later did I get guilt tripped when I returned to the Church. They got my life back on track to being a good church boy.

During my unchurched days (first time around), I grew up and became a Computer Tech/IT person just like my dad. I became good at this and acquired a lot of experience in the field. Once I returned to Church, there was that "call of God" so I became obsessed with getting back on track to the ministry career that I once dreamed of. I started to feel like a total failure in life for being a good computer guy. I am more than a computer guy, but unless I could be "in the ministry" I was not worth much to God.

I went down this path by taking correspondence Bible classes and being a yes man to any ministry they wanted to throw my way. I became a leader of leaders in children/youth ministry. I was starting to bring them in. I taught Sunday school. My wife got involved in all kinds of ministry. We felt like we were "right with God" All I needed to do was be good at ministry get experience change careers and I would be a success. Then I could get away from my evil secular job and do what God wanted me to do full time.

Well we moved to Oregon in 2003. At that time, we left all that. Tried to make it happen here but it wasnt the same. I got very depressed and disillusioned.

Anyway, some of this you know from previous posts, but I am trying to tie it all together.

I have or am detoxing once again even though I will be forced to go through the empty motions of doing Church for my wifes sake. But now I realize, I am not a nobody just because I am not "in the ministry". God is using me right where I am. I can be more effective now that my mind is clearing up from Churchianity and realizing that a lot of it was lies.

The whole secular vs sacred thing is a lie thought up by people. I was reading a blog that has a bunch of Yaconelli's works on it and he said it so perfectly. Now I cant remember exactly what he said, so I wont try to quote, but it went to the heart.

All you people out there who are free thinking people who have a heart for people and want to really do what Jesus said are the real Church.

Screw the established Church. They can all F off. However, for some it is good. But Churchianity, you have harmed me in a way that only the true Christ can fix