An old post revisited and a year of reflection

I posted the post below on 1/4/2008. Back then I thought I had a stable job in Oregon and I whined and complaned. Now I am more grateful for what I have and my faith has been strengthened by the fact I landed on my feet and have a better life now than before. I am going to run down the list and see what I really did. Kind of like new years resolutions. Here goes


1) I am going to try to find something good in each day. Sounds like an AA slogan or a self help book but if I cant do that, why wake up each day

In some ways I did do this. I got into meditation and started living in the present moment. I really do that now in that I am thankful to be in a home with my wife and dog. Not just a home. A nicer home than I had in Oregon. Life is good. Now I just worry it will vaporize like Oregon did. So I did succeed at this. I see more good in each day than I did back in 1/08

2) I am going to try and get out of debt. No doubt it will take more than a year

This was starting to materialize but after the layoff went South. There is hope but the debt load is actually heavier. Though not for a lack of trying. My fear however is a lot less than it was.


3) Take better care of myself. That is lose some weight, Become less of a couch potato

This one too was short lived. I took off 30lbs and was working out. Then the layoff hit. I plan to join a health club sometime in early 09 and start again.

4) Take part in something of meaning. It used to be ministry back in Minnesota. Since moving to Oregon it has been less and less and now I am isolated. No more. I think it likely wont be ministry but maybe some political cause. I dont know. I just need to get out and talk to real people.

I think I made a good crack at this one with everything from Open Forum to a Church that is not a Church. Couldnt stick with it. Not sure why. Still looking for the right thing to get involved in. Again, new beginning in Washington. Lots of potential.

5) Be more authentic. Instead of complaining about the world, I want to really try and become what I am passionate about. First I need to figure out what that is.

All I can say here is I think the layoff made me get my head out of my ass and appreciate what I have. Still not sure where the passion is but I dont feel like whining as much


6) Make this blog into something worthwhile. I know I have a few dedicated friends out there who read this and I appreciate it. I know I am not talking to space. I would like to make it actually make a difference and mean something.

I have no idea on this one. I think the blog suffered from my busyness. I am not ready to give up blogging but I do want it to be worthwhile. Even if it shuts down, I have met people who will likely be friends for life here. That is a good thing. Where will it go, I have no idea

7) This is the hard one. I have to stop allowing people to push me around so much

I think I still let people push me around but I think I have grown a little stronger.

So what is my goal for 09. Whatever man. Live long and prosper. We will see where this wild ride goes. Will it be a slow scenic drive, a rollercoaster, or a train wreck. 2008 was all of the above. One goal I have is to make new friends and perhaps get to know some people I already know a bit better. I also plan to breathe every day and enjoy the moment.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
Friday, January 04, 2008
New Year Plans

I saw a post on Ninjanuns blog that made me think about the new year and what I am gonna do.

The last two years have been a roller coaster at times seeming about as encouraging as Oregons weather in december. Well I am sick of it. So here goes

1) I am going to try to find something good in each day. Sounds like an AA slogan or a self help book but if I cant do that, why wake up each day

2) I am going to try and get out of debt. No doubt it will take more than a year

3) Take better care of myself. That is lose some weight, Become less of a couch potato

4) Take part in something of meaning. It used to be ministry back in Minnesota. Since moving to Oregon it has been less and less and now I am isolated. No more. I think it likely wont be ministry but maybe some political cause. I dont know. I just need to get out and talk to real people.

5) Be more authentic. Instead of complaining about the world, I want to really try and become what I am passionate about. First I need to figure out what that is.

6) Make this blog into something worthwhile. I know I have a few dedicated friends out there who read this and I appreciate it. I know I am not talking to space. I would like to make it actually make a difference and mean something.

7) This is the hard one. I have to stop allowing people to push me around so much

Most importantly. Spend more quality time with my wife.
Posted by Spiritbear at 12:57 PM

What is it? Its it. What is it? Its it. What is it?

What is it? That is the question. What is this blog. Initially I started it out to document my journey through the Christian life away from Church. Then it became Churchianity bashing. Then it became political. Then it became me whining about my life. Now I am not sure where to go with it. I want to keep on blogging and report on things I find interesting and things that go on in my journey through life. I am going to try and keep it from turning into whining. I will post when I find something interesting. I dont want to alienate the few readers I have but a blog can be about the blogger. My hope is that someone can learn from my experience and perspective and that someone somewhere has benefited from this journey of over two years of my life. I am not quitting but I will probably only post when something interesting does happen. Right now my life has become very busy. New job, New city. Moving and all. Once things get under control, I will blog more. I am not dead. I still hope to stay in contact with many of my blogging friends.

Peace and Love to all

Its the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine

Being from Minnesota and having lived in the Pacific NW for the last 5 years I have noticed that snow or the threat of snow causes widespread panic and fear. The news has been all about the storm. Yes it will snow and it has. The weather the last week reminds me of Minnesota but it has not been a problem for me. I am amazed at the fear propigated by the media. Sure its frustrating and people in the NW may not drive well in the ice but I believe the media panic is an attempt to scare people to buy supplies and watch local media. Only one night was driving really hard. Otherwise its just been slow and steady.

I will be glad when it is over but finally it seems Christmasy. I have never thought the Pacific Northwest was very Christmasy. I am almost ready for Christmas now. A nice quiet Christmas with my wife in front of our fireplace.

Merry Christmas all. Be careful out there but dont freak. Use common sense

Tired and at work

I am sitting here at work waiting for a software update to complete so I been reading old blogs.

I think this two years since I started blogging have been an adventure and somewhat circular thought. When I started I was disgruntled with Church. Since then I have stepped away from Church, switched jobs twice and moved to a new state. I see potential for a great life and life truly goes on. Being away from Church (on and off and at heart for two years) I am less disgruntled but my worldview has changed. The world seems a bit more screwed up. My spiritual journey has gone from hardcore evangelical to liberal Christian to Christian with Buddhist leanings to I dont know what anymore. I still believe in God and pray and know God was with me during these weird times. Am I drawn to Church? Not really. I am scared that I dont want to piss God off so I am retreating from the fringes a bit. Who knows where it goes

In Oregon

I am in Oregon this weekend to move out of our Albany home and into a storage locker until we can get moved into the house I hope we get approved for in Puyallup.

My previous post was a bit harsh but now I am seeing it from this perspective. Albany seems more run down and hickish than it did before but Oregon is really OK. I just think Washington may be nicer to live in for now. I really like it there. I am going to miss this in some way. Its starting to look less homey and more empty. That is a bit depressing. Though life in Albany was a rocky road there was some good. This marks the closing of one chapter completely and on to a new one.

Now that the madness of last two months draws to a close I have to wonder. In a new place. A new life. How should I practice my spirituality. church perhaps. Or not maybe. I dont know.

I would have to say my faith is stronger now as a result but I dont feel more religious in any way. I havent been to a Church since Oct 12th (two days after the layoff) yet I feel that God has been with me. I have not been doing meditation lately either. Not since moving to Washington. Though the practice made the unemployed weeks here much easier. I got paranoid that somehow I had angered God with my interest in Buddhism and kind of ran back. But it was helping. Perhaps I should be a good Christian and try not to make God mad. But I am not sure that he was mad. Things happen. God is there and gets you through. Religion had little to do with this. That sounds conflicted and non-peaceful but I have a peace that it is all going to be OK. Anyway, the journey continues. The circular maddening journey known as life.

Rocky Road

Not the ice cream either. In the last 48 hours:

I may have found a house
I might be able to afford it
I applied for a loan to get some cash
I got turned down for the loan
My father in law gave us some money to get by
My dads car got repossesed
He got a loan from a relative and is re-repossesing it (is that a word)
I am sick
I work for a Doctors office
I am away from my wife
I will be seeing my wife this weekend
I have to move out of an old house
I may have a new house to move into.

Lots of good and bad. Almost even balanced. Weird. Life is good overall. I think