Or some nonsensical crap. Here is what I am talking about. Some may know that in my personal struggle of losing a job and moving I started to drift away from my thinking and run to Church's open loving arms. That seemed good. I went to Church. I even would say that I felt God's presence but the fact that this Church preaches and enforces the insidious Church tax (aka tithing) and the propsperity gospel, I am seriously questioing what I am doing. Right now there is no way we could tithe if we wanted to. I think we have done some crazy shit and though I make more money than ever, we rarely have $10 at any one time. I look at this as a blessing. We have a nice house. Things are good. But I am sorry to say and I wish I had the cojones to say it. Pastor, even if I wanted to be a part of your Church, WE CANT AFFORD IT.
Now even having to think that way is so FREAKING CONTRARY TO WAHT JESUS TAUGHT THAT I WANT TO BE SICK. Jesus would never persecute anyone who couldnt afford to pay the Tithe Tax.
So I am drifting back towards the radical middle. Putting aside the fear taht that is why I lost my job. I actually started to believe it happend because I was so far from Orthodox Churchianity.
I guess my problem is I actually still believe it. Not saying losing faith is good but deep down I still must believe the stuff Churchianity is trying to sell.
Anyone who has wondered out ever think this way? How did you come to terms with the condemnation of believing that circustance must be the punishment of the Lord for being a bad little Christian. It is almost enough to make me drink the kool aid and do as I am told and not think. But can one really return to that once they have been enlightened to the truth? (uh oh I twisted a verse in Hebrews. Beelzebub is gonna get me. I am sick today it must be because I didnt tithe (though 10% of nothing is nothing and that is what I had and what I gave).
Ever seeking the balance between vengeful OT God and Lovable Jesus.
I hope I am not struck dead by the time yuo read this
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