i am not sure who I am anymore. For years I was a churchgoer and a leader. I thought the Republicans were the way to go. Now I see that its all been a lie. Not God but Churchianity. I want to take some time off and have as a result of moving to another town in Oregon. I really really wish that I could find myself before going back but my wife wants to return to Church. I am turned off by the false teaching, the piety, the feelings of guilt and the money grubbing.
I think Ninjanun said it great in a podcast of Stupid Church People. She said something to the effect of (not a quote) that when you are in leadership in a Church, you feel that you are doing something for God and when you arent, you feel unimportant.
The last 3.5 years of my life have been like this. After leaving a Church where I was a leader (not paid staff, but a leader nontheless), and going back to being just a regular person made me almost die. I felt worthless and if I couldnt "get in the ministry" I should just die. I am over it now, but I still struggle.
Hey Ninjanun, if you read this, I want you to know that what you said was inspired and went straight to the heart. I am the guy who emailed you recently with my story. I hope you get it.
Steve and Josh, I would love to talk to you guys sometime.
All of you may God Bless You and Keep You as you journey toward him in Church or out of it.
Peace and Love and all that Good Stuff.
Spiritbear
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Hey, just wanted to let you know I have been reading. :) sorry I don't usually comment (or return e-mails: I'm horrible at that!).
I hope you are well, and "I feel your pain" regarding church and conflicting feelings about it all.
You are loved.
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